understand me

I really really want you to understand two things about me… I don’t know how else to explain to you so hopefully you can understand this way.. 

First of all, you are the ONLY person I’ve ever met that actually cares about me. Like nobody in my 27 years of life has ever made sure I eat when I need to eat. Nobody has ever given to me instead of taking from me. I’ve never felt the kind of love that you give. I’ve never known generosity.. as sad as that is, it’s true… I’ve never met someone that wasn’t on or hasn’t done drugs before.. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone like you want someone like me… that being said, I know your past hurts you and I know you blame yourself. And I want you to stop. Because babe, there is not a single thing that I’d ever take for granted about you. While you’re cheering on yourself and your shortcomings I am celebrating everything that your ex couldn’t. I appreciate your loyalty i appreciate your concern, I appreciate you trying to help me better myself. There is not one single thing that I’d ever fucking change about you. I told you that I’m able to appreciate you because of all the bad things that I’ve been through. Maybe to your past relationships they couldn’t appreciate you and they did take advantage of you, and they did hurt you, but I am capable of being a decent human and knowing right from wrong.. I’d be stupid to ever fuck this up. In two short sweet months you’ve done more for me than my parents have ever. And I mean that. I cherish you and I hold you so fucking close. I’m scared to death one day of not having you and if that day comes I hope you would have taught me to be independent and I hope I have made it to where I’m supposed to be. Because if it weren’t for you I’d still be inconsiderate of myself and my sobriety. Your presence in my life is making me do what I have been supposed to do for a long time I just couldn’t and didn’t know how to… I don’t need to be high when I see you I’m high enough.. and I can’t wait to finally see myself the way you saw me in your dreams. I’ve missed her and I’ve always tried to get back to who I used to be… I can’t thank you enough for just existing. I can’t thank you enough for caring. I can’t thank you enough for loving me when I can’t love myself. You are a beautiful soul and I promise I’d never put you through anything like your past did. Things can be better if you just try to see it that way… I know you’re scared and neither of us are looking for commitment or a relationship but I wouldn’t be upset if we found ourselves in love and committed. You say not to love you, but you are so lovable. I will endure anything I have to just to be by your side. I don’t care at what expense but you are where I am and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Thank you for being in my life.. because I have never been able to count on anyone not even my parents to care as much as you have. I know all things end, but we aren’t ending right now. It’s the beginning relationship or not, you are my best friend and I do love you so much.